Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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