i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize