Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
