Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We're too hungover to prance.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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