My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
