At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
