Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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