the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
