I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
