Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize