Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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