I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
