It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
