yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
