I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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