Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
