no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
