I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
