this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
