Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
