OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
