just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
