I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
