Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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