The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
