Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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