wakey wakey hands off snakey
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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