I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
