you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
