2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
