My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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