I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
