It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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