we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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