ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
