RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
