i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I love you. Go after that dick
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
