you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
