sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
