The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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