I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
