i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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