the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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