so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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