All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize