I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
