my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
