I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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