You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
