babies were throwing up all over the place
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
