Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
