And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
