Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
