So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
