he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize