exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
