having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
