Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
