You made me cry and you don't even care
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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