So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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