captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
