i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
