Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
