Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
