Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize