You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just pee around me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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