then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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