Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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