8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
