One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
