I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The air was thick with penises
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
