Buhtt sex?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
