There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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