You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
