i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
