Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He better not be in your backpack
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
