the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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