i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
