party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
