Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
