I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
