she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
