I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
