I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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