I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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