Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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