Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
