He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
