I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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