His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
