let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize