I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize