this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
