i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
