Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
