She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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