I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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