Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
