I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
