You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
